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"You're still getting paid?!"

—Hal to Jeff

Hal is one of the two main characters in the Bowser's Kingdom show, along with Jeff the Goomba. Hal is one of Bowser's minions, but he is the only one who doesn't get paid. Hal is best friends with Jeff and the two have a rocky friendship, though they always seem to stick together. Jeff and Hal also share a passionate hatred towards Steve the Piranha Plant. He is voiced by Andrew Raskin. Hal is the butt of both Jasper the Kamek and Jeff's gay jokes and eventually the subtitle writers too.

Biography Edit

In Episode 1, Hal and Jeff are shown watching Mario beating up several enemies and when Jeff wonders out loud what Mario could possibly want with the princess, Hal reminds Jeff that they are Bowser's minions and are therefore responsible for the kidnapping of Princess Peach. Hal asks what Bowser wants with Peach, to which Jeff responds that it's for "sexual favours", sickening Hal. A Shy Guy then drops from the sky and startles them both, with Jeff believing he is dead after sustaining such a fall. However, the Shy Guy gets up again and asks them why they aren't helping him defeat Mario, to which Hal responds that he distracted them. Hal watches as Jeff persuades the Shy Guy to accidentally set himself on fire by touching a Fire Flower, amusing them both. The pair are then greeted by Steve, angering Hal greatly. After Jeff mentions to Hal that he doesn't get paid enough to want to go and take on Mario, Hal claims that he isn't even being paid at all. The Shy Guy, having burnt to death after being set on fire again by Steve, returns as a ghost to take his revenge on Hal and Jeff. He tells Mario that Peach is in their direction before vanishing, leaving Hal and Jeff to be squashed.

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Hal driving an injured Jeff in his car

In Episode 2, Hal and Jeff reminisce about their flying lessons with Kamek and how much of a waste of time they are. When Jeff finds a P-Wing inside an item box, Hal steals it and begins soaring through the air, shouting gleefully that he's "doing it". Hal is suddenly attacked by Raccoon Mario and knocked out of the sky, landing on Jeff and squashing him. Hal is mortified by Jeff's death and begins sobbing, when a 1-UP mushroom appears and touches Jeff's body, bringing him back to life. Jeff asks Hal why he is so close to him and asks if Hal might be gay, to which Hal desperately claims he is not. They then discover a group of Shy Guys trying to take over Bowser's Kingdom, and not wanting his own leader to be overthrown, Hal hatches a scheme to incinerate the Shy Guys with a Bob-omb. At the end of the episode, Jeff is once again squashed, this time by Mario, leaving Hal mortified once again.

In Episode 3, Hal drives the mortally injured Jeff in his car while quoting dialogue from Reservoir Dogs to convince Jeff that he's going to be fine. When Hal asks Jeff to repeat the phrase "You're going to be okay", Jeff responds "I'm okay, Larry... I'm okay". Hal suddenly asks him who Larry is, totally unaware of the character reference from Reservoir Dogs. At the end of the episode, Hal and Jeff (who is back to normal) are reassigned by Bowser to guard the castle. Hal is then astonished to find Jeff has been squashed yet again by a piece of falling debris (after Mario destroys the World 3 castle).

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Hal and Jeff arguing in Bowser's clown copter

In Episode 4, Hal and Jeff are sent to replace the incompetent Steve as the new bouncers at Club Iggy (a nightclub presumably named after Iggy Koopa). When Hal asks Jeff if he's still being paid for his services to Bowser, Jeff responds that everyone is and advises Hal to speak to management to sort it out. Hal tells Jeff that he sent them an email but they never replied to him. Steve then appears and shows just how incompetent he is by letting Mario walk straight into the club, angering Hal so much that he ends up telling him to kill himself by putting a bag over his head. Bowser arrives and requests that Hal and Jeff park his clown copter for him. During the flight, Hal finds Peach hidden in the copter and moans with pleasure as she goes down on him, making Jeff jealous. As a result, Jeff tips the copter upside-down and Peach tumbles out, only to be crushed by a giant iron ball that was also stowed in the copter. Fearing that both Bowser and Mario will kill them if they discover Peach is dead, the pair fly away and encounter Steve once again on a remote platform, who is unsuccessfully trying to kill himself with a paper bag. Hal tells Steve to use a plastic bag instead, which later proves fatal to Steve just as Hal had hoped. Hal and Jeff then accidentally bump into Paul Hammerbro after failing to look where they're going, but Hal manages to distract him with a small Mecha-Bowser toy when Paul asks for compensation. Hal and Jeff eventually end up killing a wandering Toad with the copter's propeller after getting too close. Realising they have killed three people in the same night and not one of them was Mario, Hal and Jeff agree that they are terrible villains and quickly return the copter to Bowser. He is pleased with their work and gives Jeff a raise, but after noticing a scratch, Bowser tells Hal that it's coming out of his pay. Hal becomes annoyed, especially since he doesn't even have a wage.

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Hal applying for welfare at the Unemployment Office

In Episode 5, Hal asks Jeff what Bowser had said to him before they left, and Jeff tells Hal that he had asked him why Peach wasn't in the clown copter after they returned it to him at Club Iggy. Jeff tells Hal that he had said they would go and look for Peach, annoying Hal as he knows they can't bring her back since she's dead. Jeff leads Hal to a group of tribal Shy Guys posing as witch doctors and asks them to perform a ritual dance that can bring Peach back to life. However, the Shy Guys instead perform a rain dance, and when Hal asks them if they know any other dances, they respond that they can perform the opening sequence for "cats". Jeff, being a fan, asks them to perform this dance but Hal stops him, so Jeff quietly asks them to show him the dance another time. The pair then meet with the Karate Duo Number 1, who provide them with Lucky Candy that can perform miracles and possibly bring back the dead. When Hal is out of earshot, Jeff asks the Karate Duo what they would recommend for treating a fungal infection on his nether regions, prompting them to provide him with more Lucky Candy. When Jeff and Hal return to Peach's corpse, they find that the Lucky Candy does nothing except create a terrible stench (which Jeff believes was Hal's fart). Jeff eats some of the Lucky Candy and claims that it works on his fungal infection, but Hal reminds Jeff that he is a fungus himself and that the infection is simply Jeff reproducing. Afterwards, pair are forced to come up with yet another plan, this time obtaining a 1-UP mushroom from Wart after feeding him one of his own children. They use the mushroom to revive Peach but forget to move the iron ball first, forcing them to repeat the entire procedure again in order to obtain another mushroom. This time, they are successful and Jeff attempts to capture her before she can escape, only for Mario to appear and rescue her in his hot air balloon. On the way back to Bowser's Castle, Jeff and Hal argue about who should be the one to break the bad news to their master, with Jeff eventually deciding they should both tell him at the same time. When Bowser hears that Peach got away, he incinerates both Hal and Jeff with his fiery breath.

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Hal places second at the Villains' Olympics

In Episode 6, Hal and Jeff are shown to have survived their encounter with Bowser. Hal tells Jeff that he has finally sorted out his money issues and has to apply for welfare at the Unemployment Office, while Jeff is told he has to head back to Bowser's Castle for a new partner reassignment. Hal heads to the Unemployment line and encounters two Koopa Troopas discussing their wild night out, aggravating Hal. When he eventually reaches the office desk (run by Rick Finkelstein), Hal states he does not have any particular abilities and is refused welfare as a result. As he leaves, claiming he is the "unluckiest guy in the world", the Welfare Office is destroyed by a powerful laser beam from outer space (which Hal is apparently oblivious to). Hal tries instead to get a job but finds that they aren't hiring turtles. Still determined to make use of his time, Hal attempts to get a girlfriend but is unsuccessful; however, he does gain the attention of a Birdo named Susan, who talks like a man and scares Hal away. Soon after, Mouser steals Hal's sack containing his belongings, leaving Hal feeling incredibly sullen. Later on, he encounters Jeff, who has been having lots of fun with his new partner Donkey Kong. Hal becomes angered that Jeff has happily replaced him with a "monkey in a tie", and proceeds to battle Donkey Kong in the first stage of the original Donkey Kong arcade game. Hal manages to avoid Donkey Kong's barrel attacks before smashing the game's classic hammer into Donkey Kong's head. Following his defeat, Hal and Jeff become partners again.

In Episode 7, Hal and Jeff and Hal are forced to participate in the Villains' Olympics in order to win enough money to replace their television, after the Karate Duo Number 1 accidentally break it. Hal names them Team Super Awesome Dynamite Platinum Bros. but Jeff crosses it out on the submission paper, claiming it sounded stupid, much to Hal's annoyance. However, the name is then used by Chomp Bro., Mouser and Monty Mole instead, leaving Hal and Jeff's team unnamed. Hal and Jeff compete against the other teams in several different games, with Hal being forced to fight Chomp Bro. in a competition known as "Shell Wrestling". Hal loses the match after being shoved with extreme force by Chomp Bro. At the end of the Olympics, Jeff and Hal lose to Team Super Awesome Dynamite Platinum Bros. and place second, being awarded the cash prize as a result (the prize for first place being an all expenses paid trip to Yoshi's Island).

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Hal after transforming into a bee

In Episode 8, Hal and Jeff and Hal find themselves in outer space after Bowser Jr. abducts Peach's Castle using one of Bowser's airships. The pair accidentally fall off the airship and land on a nearby planet, inhabited by Steve (who had previously been revived by the Shy Guy witch doctors). Steve asks them what they are doing in outer space before revealing his Dino Piranha son, which chases Hal and Jeff relentlessly around the planet. After escaping to anther planet, Hal and Jeff are confronted by a star bunny who urges them to catch him, but Hal gets annoyed at being told what to do and kills it with a hammer. Hal later comes in contact with a Bee Mushroom which automatically transforms him into a bumblebee, though he returns to his original state after a Shy Guy wearing a F.L.U.D.D. sprays him with water. In an attempt to return to Earth, Hal finds a Toad next to a parked spacecraft and scares him away with a Bob-omb. Hal then throws the Bob-omb away (accidentally killing the Toad) before hijacking the spacecraft with Jeff. As they fly through space, they unintentionally enter restricted Lylat airspace and Fox McCloud begins pursuing them, telling them to pull over to the nearest planet. Hal tells Jeff he does not want to go to space prison for fear of space rape (involving tentacles), but he eventually complies and attempts to pull over. However, he accidentally fires a beam towards Fox, who believes it's a hostile attack and retaliates by destroying Hal and Jeff's spacecraft. The pair are subsequently sent flying down into a black hole, and in a bonus ending, it is revealed that the black hole warps them to the Sonic universe. They discover a Chaos Emerald before being confronted by Metal Sonic, who proceeds to beat up Hal until he is practically unconscious. Jeff attempts to save him by devouring the Chaos Emerald, but ultimately fails.

In Episode 9, Hal and Jeff are seen listening to the Karate Duo Number 1's memoirs while sitting around a camp fire.

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Hal in a behind-the-scenes interview

In Episode 10, Hal and Jeff speak to the audience in a behind-the-scenes interview about their relationship with each other and the other cast members, and how the show has gained so much success. At first, Hal is unsure what to say, but he soon begins ranting about his relationship with Jeff and the conflict they sometimes have when they're off-camera. Hal mentions how he constantly tries to tell Jeff that he is a fungus, but Jeff won't listen to him. He also tells the interviewer how he somewhat resents Jeff for not helping him carry props and other items on several occasions throughout the show, to which Jeff argues that he doesn't have any arms. According to Hal, when one of the episodes received a poor online review, Lemmy was so depressed that he hanged himself and Hal states how much he misses him. Hal later states how eager he is to sell out with plenty of moneymaking merchandise (such as a t-shirt with an 8-bit Steve logo saying "HI GUYS!"), but he can't due to copyright laws and the fact he and the other cast members are technically "owned" by Shigeru Miyamoto. When asked about his involvement in the show, Hal claims that he enjoys participating simply to entertain viewers and not for profit, unlike Jeff.

In the Bowser's Kingdom Movie, Hal and Jeff are seen walking through a field when they hear Steve's cheerful voice nearby, which immediately annoys them. Steve greets them happily but Hal insults him by treading on his flowers, which Jeff admits is a little harsh. As an upset Steve leaves, Hal and Jeff are ordered by Bowser to disguise themselves as Mario and Luigi in order to kidnap Peach. Meanwhile, Steve, having finally had enough of Hal and Jeff's selfish and abusive attitude towards him, spreads the false rumour that they intend to capture Peach for themselves. Hearing this news, Bowser immediately sends his minions after them, including Paul Hammerbro and Rick Finkelstein. Hal and Jeff head to Peach's Castle and are greeted by a Toad, who tells Hal (disguised as Luigi) that he "had a really great time last night". Hal is confused and asks the Toad if he thinks he is gay, but the Toad just laughs and tells him he must have had too much to drink. As Hal enters the castle, the Toad becomes glum and tells Jeff (disguised as Mario) how "Luigi" always treats him badly the following morning. Hal and Jeff then meet up with the princess, who quickly notices they look different from usual, telling Hal that he looks like a "homo", to which Hal angrily retaliates. They take Peach for a hot-air balloon ride with the intention of flying her back to Bowser's Castle without her knowledge, and they stop along the way for a picnic. Hal hears a noise and goes to investigate, finding Paul and a group of other minions about to attack them. He quickly runs back to Jeff and Peach and they escape in the balloon, closely followed by Paul.

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Hal, disguised as Luigi, with Jeff (disguised as Mario) and Princess Peach

Peach gives Hal a Fire Flower which he uses to throw fireballs into the balloon's envelope, allowing them to gain height. However, Jeff tries to convince Paul that they are in disguise and is subsequently hit with a hammer, having been unaware that Paul already knew who they were. As Jeff tumbles into a forest, Hal believes he is dead and is forced to continue the journey with Peach alone. Hal takes Peach to a Ghost House where they attempt to hide from Bowser's minions, encountering Big Boo in the process. Petey Piranha then breaks into the house and vomits on Hal and Peach, leaving Hal disgusted. Petey then sends a wave of Bowser's forces to attack them, but Jeff (who had survived the fall) and the Karate Duo Number 1 arrive in a car and crash through the wall, driving their car straight into Petey's open mouth. Hal is reunited with Jeff and they flee with Peach (who has begun to suspect they are not who they say they are), while the Karate Duo take on Bowser's minions. As they escape into an underground cave, Steve appears and finally reveals his plan to Hal and Jeff before kidnapping Peach. The real Mario and Luigi suddenly enter and flatten Hal and Jeff, leaving them battered and bruised. Hal's last words are "That's it, I quit", implying he will never work for Bowser again.

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Hal and Jeff after being turned into zombies

In Episode 666, Hal is shown playing a Sonic the Hedgehog videogame when Jeff suddenly informs him that a zombie epidemic has broken out. At first, Hal is too busy playing to listen, so Jeff tells him they called him "gay" to make him pay attention. Hal follows Jeff to the Gun Merchant's stall so they can acquire weapons to take down the zombie horde, but after they discover they can't afford any of the guns, Hal kills the merchant and takes the weapons anyway. As Bowser's zombified minions approach them, Hal aims at them with a machine-gun but forgets to aim for the head. He later switches to a shotgun and throws a hand grenade into a separate group of zombies, sending a zombie Shy Guy flying. Jeff panics since he has no arms and therefore cannot fire a weapon, so Hal tells him to improvise and just "use his head". When Jeff takes this literally and blasts himself out of a cannon into the zombie horde, Hal scolds him for being stupid, though Jeff argues that it actually worked. Hal and Jeff are then confronted by a Dry Bones, who advises them to take shelter in a castle on the Doughnut Plains. The pair travel to the castle and are greeted by several other survivors, including Wario, Geno, Big Boo and The Inaudible Thwomp. Hal and Jeff listen to them as they take turns in telling of how the zombies came to be, until the castle is suddenly breached by a zombie siege. The pair are horrified after seeing Wario being bitten by zombie Shy Guys, Geno being swallowed by a zombified Steve, and a zombified Donkey Kong holding Rick's severed head. Hal runs out of ammunition as the zombies surround them, but in one of the two separate endings, Geno fires a laser beam that destroys Steve and the other zombies, saving them both. In the other ending, Hal and Jeff are shown to have become zombies themselves and can be seen eating Luigi's limbs. Hal mentions to Jeff the benefits of being a zombie, including the imperviousness to pain and possessing eternal life, but Jeff says how he wishes he "wasn't decaying so much" and that they "totally smell like ass". Hal is last seen asking Jeff if he is going to finish eating Luigi's leg.

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